‘My touch can tell you what my words cannot
My touch can reach the places my heart feels
My touch can heal your deepest hurt
My touch can bring you the highest pleasure.’
There is magic in touch, there is comfort, healing, connection, warmth and melting pleasure.
We are sexual end sensual beings from the time we are born to the day we die.
We need touch, we crave to touch and be touched. Many studies have been done on those deprived of touch on infancy and childhood and the problems experienced by this lack.
It has been suggested that for optimum health an adult needs 8 hugs a day, 8 embraces that enfold you in someone’s arms, not just a quick grab and squeeze, slap on the back. How many hugs have you had today like that?
The world of sensual touch offers an endless range of pleasure and possibilities.
We need to understand the difference between sex and sensuality to understand the possibilities of this form of touch.
Sex is generally a goal-oriented, genital activity. The goal of sex is orgasm. Once that’s happened then the game’s over and we go on to the next activity, which for men is generally falling asleep. So perhaps it should be called ‘going’ rather than ‘coming’.
Sensuality is different. A sensual experience includes all that we are, from the top of our head to the soles of our feet and everything in between. Sensuality also includes our hearts, emotions and feelings.
This makes sensual massage and touch an intimate experience.
Sex is not necessarily intimate. It’s vulnerable but not intimate. When a man is asking for sex he’s vulnerable. When a woman opens her body she’s vulnerable.
If you’re having sex and your eyes are closed and you’re lost in some fantasy, there’s no intimacy in that.
Many women will tell you that kissing is often more intimate than sex.
Sensual massage and touch doesn’t have an end goal. It doesn’t have to go anywhere specific. It’s not always heading for orgasm.
One of the reasons sexual encounters are not always fulfilling, especially casual sex and one-night stands is that they offer a physical release, a few hours of touching, but no more.
It feels good but as soon as it’s done we’re looking for the next one.
What we’re looking for is intimacy, a deeper connection than just a pair of genitals sharing pleasure.
This is where the excitement of sensual touch and its many possibilities comes in. It even offers us different possible endings than sex.
Sex generally ends in orgasm unless you’re practicing Tantra and are aware of other Eastern sexual philosophies and practices. By focusing on reaching orgasm we move out of the moment, out of the pleasure we’re experiencing and into what we need to do to get to the orgasm.
Sensual touch puts us right in the present, in our bodies and fully here with our partner. It can become sexual but doesn’t have to; it may include genital playing but doesn’t have to.
It may be reciprocal or a gift that you give or receive from your partner. It can be a form of deep healing, of communication and connection.
It can be a picture that you paint on your lovers beautiful body or a poem that you write on their skin.
It can be a time of constant exploration of the wonder of both your bodies, for to do this type of massage is to explore yourself as much as your partner, so you get so much from giving. One common complaint is that one partner always gives more massage, more pleasure, initiates more than the other. This leads to frustration and anger and a feeling of resentment if I’m always the one massaging you and when you do reciprocate it’s often a perfunctory rub that leaves me feeling worse.
The single biggest sexual problem in relationships is boredom.
People lose interest in each other; they end up making love in the same position, same night, same time. It becomes a duty, just another thing we do.
Sensual massage and touch is never boring as it allows you to massage as an extension of how you feel. If you’re energetic and playful, you can touch one way, if you’re chilled and relaxed you can touch differently. There are no rules other than do what feels good for both of you.
You’re not bound to any specific massage routine. This comes from inside and anyone can do it.
I have a saying that your hands know how to massage and touch, your mind says you don’t.
We all have this within us; it simply needs to be woken up.
This type of massage also teaches you to massage with EVERY part of your body. This gives you constant excitement and exploration. You’ll always see your partner and your self from new angles; feel something that you’ve never felt before.
Every time you massage will be different, therefore you can’t get bored. You get into a spiral of excitement and looking forward to play time, thinking of new possibilities, new ways to touch. It opens a wonderful avenue of creativity that spills over into other aspects of life.
The gentleness of this touch takes us back to a time of safety that we first felt when we were babies. When a baby cries, we pick it up, check if the nappy needs to be changed, are they hungry, thirsty, hot or cold. After that we cuddle and rock them, stroke them until they’re calm.
They feel safe and loved.
This touch is reminiscent of those feelings. Feeling safe opens the doors to communicating, deep and honest words. This is a time when people will start talking about so many things they’ve never shared before. Many men are amazed at the ease with which they can talk about emotional issues after this type of massage, lying close with their partners.
Women are even more amazed that their men have feelings, never mind express them.
When we see and feel the benefits and excitement this touch and massage bring to our body and relationship, to our sexuality and our spirituality, we want more.
Then it becomes a wonderful conscious choice to spend more time with our partners. To touch and love and explore and play. We fall in love and lust again and again.
We become happy and fulfilled and peaceful.
We are healthier, we have more energy, and we become better parents, more productive at work.
Maybe the sharing of pleasure can bring us all this. Maybe it’s that simple.